April showers bring MAY flowers.

LOL whenever i need a good laugh ima just log on my facebook to laugh at the RANDOM dudes tryna SWEET TALK their way into gettin at me through message or chat.

smh.

every DAMN day, this happens

never gets OLD..

lmao. aiight im done im done.

dont get it twisted, nobody is COCKY. so shut that shit up

in reality im a bit self conscious. i just enjoy a good ass laugh, EVERY night!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/artic...felt-start.html

La Toya Jackson: Michael was murdered... I felt it from the start

By Caroline Graham
Last updated at 9:55 AM on 12th July 2009

* Comments (19)
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The grieving sister of superstar Michael Jackson last night blamed ‘a shadowy entourage’ of manipulative hangers-on for effectively ‘murdering’ the King of Pop.

In a moving and revealing interview, La Toya Jackson, who was closer to her vulnerable brother than anyone else and was asked to sign his death certificate, portrayed Michael as a lonely and isolated figure at the mercy of a money-motivated clique.

She accused them of cutting him off from his family and friends and forcing him, largely against his will, to sign up for the gruelling commitment of 50 concerts at London’s O2 arena.

She believes her brother was fed addictive drugs by handlers who wanted to control his moods. She says they regarded him as a ‘cash cow’ and exploited him at every turn. It was this, she believes, that led directly to his death.

Speaking out: La Toya Jackson says she wants to expose the truth

Last week, Los Angeles police chief William Bratton confirmed that investigators had not ruled out homicide. Under Californian law, murder also covers killings that were not premeditated, which would be classed as manslaughter under the British legal system.

Though the formal state autopsy’s results will not be known for two weeks, La Toya has had a private autopsy conducted.

She received the results on Friday and although she won’t comment on the details until the police conclude their investigations, she did reveal that four fresh needle marks were found on Michael’s neck.

Fighting back tears, La Toya, 53, said: ‘I believe Michael was murdered, I felt that from the start. Not just one person was involved, rather it was a conspiracy of people.

More...

* Debbie Rowe strikes deal with Michael Jackson's mother Katherine - to keep his father Joe away from the children

He was surrounded by a bad circle. Michael was a very meek, quiet, loving person. People took advantage of that. People fought to be close to him, people who weren’t always on his side.

‘Less than a month ago, I said I thought Michael was going to die before the London shows because he was surrounded by people who didn’t have his best interests at heart.

‘Michael was worth more than a billion dollars. When anyone is worth that much money, there are always greedy people around them. I said to my family a month ago,

“He’s never going to make it to London.” He was worth more dead than alive.’
La Toya revealed Michael himself ‘never believed he would live to be an old man’ and feared he would die in his fifties.

She says: ‘By the end, Michael was isolated from his family. He had no real friends. He was the loneliest man in the world. I knew something terrible was going to happen.’

While there has been much speculation in the two weeks since Jackson’s death, less than 12 hours after he completed a punishing rehearsal, La Toya says she is speaking out now to ‘put the truth out there’.

She reveals specific details of the scene inside her brother’s rented £60,000-a-month Beverly Hills mansion. He was not found in bed, as has been widely reported, but instead was inside the nearby bedroom of his personal physician Dr Conrad Murray, a man who ‘disappeared’ from the hospital when La Toya began grilling him.

She tells how an intravenous drip stand was beside the bed and oxygen canisters lined the walls.

And La Toya tells in heartbreaking detail how she accompanied Michael’s children, Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11, and seven-year-old Blanket, to see their father’s body and then, last Monday night, stood with Paris over an open casket as the child gently placed an inexpensive necklace around Jackson’s wrist and tenderly garlanded his body with coloured play stones.

In person, La Toya bears a disarming likeness to her more famous sibling. She speaks in the same breathy high-pitch tone. A diminutive 5ft, she, like her brother, is clearly no stranger to the plastic surgeon’s scalpel.

But La Toya makes a compelling witness. Two years ago, she took part in a TV reality show Armed And Famous, in which she was given basic training to be a police officer, and continues to volunteer as a deputy.

And although she famously fell out with the Jackson clan in the Eighties over a book in which she described Michael as a paedophile and denounced her father Joe for bullying them as children, for the past 15 years, she has helped keep the family together.

La Toya, who had a messy divorce from her controlling former manager, Jack Gordon, 12 years ago, remained childless and became close again to Michael and his growing family, regularly seeing them at her mother’s house on Hayvenhurst Avenue in Encino.

She last saw her brother three weeks before he died. The family held a large dinner to celebrate Katherine and Joe’s 60th wedding anniversary at Michael’s favourite Indian restaurant, Chakra, in Beverly Hills.

Michael was already at the party with his children when she arrived: ‘He was standing by the door and said, “Oh La Toya, you look fabulous.” He was thin but he ate that night. Michael loves his curries. He enjoyed every minute of it. At the end, he embraced me and said, “We have to do this again.” Then he went to the door, looked back and gave me a wave goodbye. That was the last time I saw my baby brother.’
Michael Jackson

Loneliest man in the world: La Toya says her brother had no real friends and she knew something terrible was going to happen. Michael at the launch of the O2 concerts

La Toya has clearly endured an extraordinary two weeks, which began with the news of her brother’s death and ended with his poignant memorial service last week.

Now she wants to set the record straight. Frequently welling up with tears while insisting ‘I am trying to be strong’, La Toya says: ‘I was at home when I received the news that Michael had been rushed to the hospital.

‘I live about three minutes away from Michael in Beverly Hills. I was talking to a friend about the fact that Farrah Fawcett had just passed away.

Her death came just after Ed McMahon [famous in America as the sidekick of talk-show host Johnny Carson] died. I said, “There’s going to be another one because they always go in threes.”

‘About an hour-and-a-half later, my father called me from Las Vegas and said, “Get to the hospital right away. Michael’s been rushed to hospital.”’

La Toya immediately rang her mother’s personal assistant to be told her brother was being treated at UCLA Medical Centre in Westwood, a ten-minute drive from her home.

‘I jumped into my car and kept calling my mother’s assistant saying, “How is he? How is he?”’ she recalls. ‘But he wouldn’t tell me.

‘Finally, I heard Mother in the background asking, “Who is that?” When she learned it was me, she screamed, “Why don’t you just tell her?” and she grabbed the phone and just screamed as loud as she could, “He’s dead!”

‘I nearly crashed my car. My legs went weak. I couldn’t press down on the gas pedal. I got to the wrong entrance at the hospital and was begging the security guys to help me and take my car because I was so weak and faint. They took me up to the area where Michael had been taken. Mother was crying and Michael’s kids were crying.

‘I screamed, “Is it true?” and she said, “Yes, he gone.” I couldn’t stop crying. I’m screaming and the kids are screaming. My mother was sitting there with all three of them on her lap, just crying.’

She says Paris demanded to see her father ‘one last time’. After a nurse told La Toya it would help the children grasp the reality that their father was dead, she held Paris’s hand as all three children, together with Michael’s brother Randy, went into the small ante-room off the emergency room where Michael lay, still warm to the touch.

She says: ‘There was a towel over his face and I lifted it and the kids saw him and Paris said, “Oh Daddy, I love you.”

‘We hugged and kissed him and the children lifted up his hands. He didn’t look like he was gone. His eyes were half open and he looked like he was sleeping. He wasn’t cold.

‘The kids had been screaming and crying but once they were in that room and saw Michael they stopped and became calm. We said prayers over him. I asked them, “What do you want to say to Daddy?” and they said private things to him.

Paris was holding his hand. We were all sitting around the bed. His chest was very red from the attempts to revive him. I lifted the covers to see his legs. Everything looked fine.’

She said reports Michael was bald and looked terrible without make-up were ‘plainly false’. ‘He had no make-up on but he looked fine. He just looked like Michael.’

Then, in true Hollywood fashion, Paris Hilton’s mother Kathy turned up. She had gone to school with Michael and La Toya and spent time in the room with the family, saying goodbye.

After the 30-minute farewell, La Toya signed the death certificate as the ‘informant’ who provided the information about her brother.

‘My mother and brothers chose me because I had a special bond with Michael,’ she said.

La Toya says her brother will never be buried at Neverland, his sprawling 2,400-acre former home in Central California: ‘Michael hated that place. After the second [child abuse] trial, he said to me, “I will never come back to this place again. I hate it. This place helped destroy me.”’

La Toya says the behaviour of Michael’s £100,000-a-month personal doctor, Conrad Murray, at the hospital left her deeply troubled. Dr Murray, who is not certified as a
cardiologist, did not identify himself to the family, even though La Toya says she was demanding to see Michael’s doctor ‘to find out what the hell happened’.

It was Paris who pointed out the figure dressed in white, telling La Toya: ‘There’s Dr Murray. He’s the best cardiologist in the world. How could this happen to Daddy?’

Dr Murray’s lawyers have denied any wrongdoing and say he has cooperated fully with investigators.

But La Toya says she approached the doctor, saying, ‘I want to talk to you. I want to know what happened to my brother.’ But, she says: ‘He mumbled a bunch of nothing.

He said something like, “Michael didn’t make it, I’m sorry.” It wasn’t right. It felt weird.’In all the confusion, she says, the doctor later ‘disappeared’. It is at this point, La Toya says, that her concerns were heightened. She was told by a different doctor that

Michael had fresh needle marks on his body.

According to reports, Jackson used intravenous anaesthetics to help
him sleep, including Demerol and

Diprivan, a drug never normally used outside the operating theatre.

Police also removed two bagfuls of prescription drugs issued to various aliases from pharmacies in different US states. They have subpoenaed the star’s medical records from a series of doctors. La Toya says: ‘It will all come out. You will be shocked.’

The official coroner’s report is due soon along with the results of a second autopsy, which La Toya arranged, She says: ‘We want to sit down and compare the two reports before anything is made public. I have a strong idea of what the outcome will be but
I cannot say anything at this stage.

‘He had needle marks on his neck and on his arms and more about those will emerge in the next few weeks. I cannot discuss that any further as I may jeopardise the investigation. I can, however, say that I have not changed my mind about my feeling that Michael was murdered.’

After returning from the hospital with the children and her mother to Katherine’s home, they received a troubling call from the Jackson mansion. It was Michael’s long-term assistant Michael Amin, a devout Muslim known as Brother Michael.
Jesse Jackson

Prayers for Michael: The Reverend Jesse Jackson bows his head in prayer during the memorial for Michael Jackson

He told La Toya that her brother’s Lebanese-born, self-appointed business manager Dr Tohme Tohme had fired all the staff at the Beverly Hills property and at a second rented home in Las Vegas.

‘I want to know how Michael died, and then, at 11pm on the day he dies, all the staff are fired?’ she asks rhetorically. ‘That raised my suspicions.’

When she arrived at the house with her manager and close friend Jeffre Phillips, new security guards were in place.

She says: ‘I could smell and sense my brother everywhere. I could smell his favourite cologne, Black Orchid by Tom Ford. I went into his bedroom. There was a shirt discarded on the floor.’

She says Michael was taken to hospital from Dr Murray’s bedroom, across a large hall from his own. ‘Michael walked from his room to Dr Murray’s room. What happened in there we don’t know. He ended up alone in the room with the doctor.’

Shortly after midday, the doctor ran downstairs and screamed at bodyguard Alberto Alvarez to call the emergency services.

La Toya says: ‘No one was allowed upstairs apart from Dr Murray and the children. Paris has since told me that even they were not allowed in that room when Dr Murray was giving Michael his “oxygen”.

Murray, said La Toya, initially gave the star CPR on the soft surface of the bed before moving him to the ground, on the instruction of the 911 emergency operator who told him the procedure needed to be conducted on a hard surface.

She says: ‘Why, if this man was a cardiologist, was my brother on the bed? Michael was dead in that room. I was told the doctor kept telling everyone he was alive, but

Brother Michael saw him and said it was obvious he was dead. There were oxygen tanks along the wall next to the dresser. There was a metal stand with a cord hanging down. The police had already been in the house and had removed all the drugs and whatever bag was hanging there.’

Diprivan, when administered in hospital, is always given with oxygen. La Toya admits her brother had a prescription drug problem which the family believes began after he damaged his back in an on-stage accident during the Jacksons’ 1984 Victory tour.

But she insists she believes he was ‘clean’ in preparation for the O2 shows. ‘He had just been to England on a cleanse and he was drinking juices and being pure. He had cleaned everything out of his system ready to do the concerts in London.

But Michael never wanted to do 50 shows. He agreed to do ten and then the promoters and those around him added more and more shows because they were selling out.

‘It’s impossible even for a healthy person to do that many shows. Michael was fragile.

He always wanted to believe the best of people. But he was meek. In the last few months, he became isolated. I believe the staff were given strict instructions that if any of the family called, not to tell him. And if any of the family came by, not to let them in.

Those people around him didn’t care about Michael the man. They were interested in Michael the cash cow.

‘Michael didn’t keep a close eye on his finances. A lot of people made a lot of money out of Michael. The house he was renting at the end is a classic example. It would cost £15,000 a month to rent but he was charged £60,000 a month because he was Michael Jackson.’

‘As a family, we tried to get involved. We wanted to stage an intervention. But we couldn’t get near Michael. I knew something terrible was going to happen.

‘I believe he was cut off from the real world and the drugs were a way [for his hangers-on] to get in there. They got him hooked on drugs. He was pure and clean and then drugs came back into his system. I think it shocked his system so much it killed him.’

She says the family will file a civil lawsuit against anyone they believe responsible, as well as pushing for police to serve criminal charges:

‘I am going to get down to the bottom of this. I am not going to stop until I find out who is responsible. Why did they keep the family away? It’s not about money. I want justice for Michael. I won’t rest until I find out what – and who – killed my brother.’

Trawling through Michael’s personal possessions at his house, La Toya was shocked when she saw his work schedule: ‘They worked him so hard. There was no breathing room.

Every hour was packed with costume fittings, vocal lessons, rehearsals. Even Paris noticed. She told me, “They worked Daddy too hard. They worked him so hard.”

‘When someone is fragile you can’t keep them going like that. A lot of people are responsible for this, directly or indirectly. They told him, “The shows are booked, the tickets are sold.”

And Michael being Michael, he didn’t want to let down his fans.
‘His kids made him so happy but he didn’t have any real friends. His problem was he didn’t trust people. In the end, he died a lonely man surrounded by this shadowy entourage.’

While Michael regularly kept up to £1million in cash inside his home, La Toya says none was found. Nor was any of his vast collection of jewellery: ‘Someone went in there and did a good job. So many people were in the house before I got there.’

In the hours after Michael died, his sister Janet was so worried, she put her own security team in place inside the house. The sisters plan to move all of Michael’s possessions into storage to safeguard them for his children.

La Toya says the children are coping well. They are with Katherine and nanny Grace Rwaramba who turned up for a day ‘and has been there ever since.’ La Toya says, however, she is ‘highly suspicious’ of the nanny’s motives.

‘The family has mixed feelings about her,’ she says. ‘Mother says she wants to be with the kids but I warned her to be careful. It’s not like the children like or dislike her. They like everyone. Mother is gullible and feels sorry for her.’

She says reports that Grace was Michael’s girlfriend are false. ‘I heard Grace liked Michael but he didn’t like her. He let her go last Christmas. I have a lot of questions about Grace. She was instrumental in keeping the family away. All of a sudden she is back, listening and watching the family. I think her behaviour is odd.’

La Toya says her focus is now on the children. All three are said to be well-behaved but innocent of the wider world. They don’t watch television. They are tutored at home and are only allowed to watch Disney movies. The family have hired a grief counsellor for them.

She added: ‘Michael always said he was a single parent. But he was a very good parent. It was funny seeing him changing nappies, because you never imagine him that way. But Michael was a hands-on dad. He was quite an expert. They are happy children, despite what has happened.

‘Paris wants to be an entertainer. Prince Michael, the oldest, is assertive. I see such sadness there. He cried at the hospital but hasn’t cried since. He has become the little man of the family. Blanket is the baby. He is very funny, a real prankster like his father.’

Although the memorial was watched by millions on TV, the most poignant farewell came last Monday night at Forest Lawn Cemetery, where the family had an open coffin viewing.

She says Paris bought a cheap ‘mood’ necklace – a metal heart which changes colour when it touches the skin. ‘The heart is in two pieces. Paris told me, “I want one half to go to Daddy and I will wear the other half for ever.”

‘She carefully wrapped it around his wrist. She said; “Daddy this is for you.” Then she placed it on him and said, “On Daddy, it will be blue because he is cold. On me, it’s purple.”

‘She got some coloured stones and she decorated his body. She said, “He’s so cold, he is so cold.” His lips were slightly swollen from the autopsy. She asked, “Who did that to Daddy?” I told her it was because he had passed.

‘I put one of his sequined gloves in there. And a pair of his favourite sunglasses.’

Michael Bush, Michael’s long-time costumier, made an elaborate cream jacket decorated with pearls and beads. He was dressed in black trousers with a large gold belt with two cherubs on either side of the buckle. Karen Faye, his make-up artist, applied cosmetics to his face.

La Toya says: ‘I am so proud of Paris for speaking at the memorial service. When Stevie Wonder was performing she whispered to me, “Auntie La Toya, I want to go up there and say something about Daddy.”

I couldn’t just walk her up on stage but at the end, when we were singing We Are The World, she said, “I’m too shy now” but then changed her mind and said those words about loving her Daddy that everyone saw.

‘The boys didn’t want to come to the viewing, but Paris was insistent. She wears Michael T-shirts every day and the walls of her room are covered with posters and pictures of her daddy. She still writes him letters every day, sweet lovely letters about how much she loves him.

‘Her letters are brilliant. When you read them you cry. She loves the light on stage. She is always singing Daddy’s songs and she is special. She has it – the X factor.’

La Toya says she was shocked by the emergence of a 2002 will stating Diana Ross should be a back-up to Jackson matriarch Katherine as the children’s guardian.

She says: ‘Michael always told us that he wanted his eldest sister Rebbie Jackson to look after the children. Rebbie had a nice family, which Michael loved. He told many family members that she was his choice. We believe there is another will which will emerge. He updated his wills almost every five years, so we expect one to come out from 2007.

As the question of the children’s future remains unresolved, Debbie Rowe, the birth mother of the two eldest, is expected to begin her fight for custody of the children in the Los Angeles courts next week.

La Toya dismisses her: ‘These are not Debbie’s kids. They don’t even know she’s their mother. Like everyone else in his life, she was motivated by money. She has always said she’s not their mother.
General view of the grounds of Forest Lawn Memorial-Park

Peaceful: The grounds of Forest Lawn Memorial-Park and Mortuary in Los Angeles, California. Michael Jackson's death certificate lists Forest Lawn as the place where his body is being held

‘My understanding is that she will now go after the kids. I know a few things about Debbie and I will prevent that from happening.

‘Debbie has only seen the children a handful of times. Michael never introduced her as their mother.’

She confirmed that Blanket, the youngest, was created from a donor egg and donated sperm: ‘Michael didn’t want to know who the biological parents were.

‘They took eggs from a donor and I believe the sperm came from one of five donors picked from a book. Michael didn’t know who the mother and father were. I don’t know who carried the child and if the surrogate knew whose child she was carrying.

‘Those children were his greatest joy. He was a superstar but the only people who loved him unconditionally were the children.’

She fears for her mother, Katherine now 79: ‘She’s the rock of the family, but I’m the glue that holds it all together. Everyone is hurting. I’ve hardly slept since this started. I am frightened the stress will hurt Mother.

‘Michael knew he was never going to be a grey-haired old man. He
didn’t want to grow old. He told me he thought he would die in his 50s. He said he would get married at 45 and die around 50. He had a gut feeling.’

Despite the intense pressures, La Toya is convinced Michael had much to look forward to. He was trying to buy a £40million house in Las Vegas from the Sultan of Brunei, which was to have been his base after the O2 shows ended.

He was reading books on directing movies. ‘The first one was to be a
horror film called Thriller,’ she said. ‘He had already designed the poster. He was going to retire from music. This Is It really was the end. He didn’t want to perform any more.’

Ironically, the extended Jackson family, which has been badly fractured throughout the years, now appear to be united in their grief and determination to seek the truth about Michael’s death.

As La Toya puts it: ‘I’m doing what I can to find out how he died. If he died of a drug overdose, then I want to find who supplied him the drugs and who first introduced him to them. We’ve still not had a chance to speak to Dr Murray about Michael’s final days. I need to know what he may have seen or heard.

‘Michael didn’t have to die. We are all mourning his loss, more than anyone can ever know. But we are also determined to get to the bottom of what happened to him.’

my posts suck ass now.



The person you like runs up behind you and hugs you, what do you do?
ha first id say... you corny as shit running up behind me! but of course id hug him back.

Anything you'd like to say to anyone?
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllloooooooooooo. lol. sike iono im just bein weird as fcuk right now!

How's your heart lately?
normal..

Honestly, what's on your mind?
cudi lol. since im listenin to him

Anyone told you a secret this week?
ehh dont think so?

Name something that made you smile today?
iono..

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
yeah...

What's your relationship status?
single

Do you like cuddling?
depends with who

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
haha plenty.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllls nooooooooooooo.

Is there anything you'd like to fix?
eh too lazy

Does anyone have feelings for you?
yes

Would you rather go forward or back a week?
foward into stju orientation!

Do you miss someone?
mhm

What's something you really want right now, be honest?
i want the moneyyyy money and cars, cars and the clothes, hoeeeees i suppose. -- scratch that last one lol.

Did you have a good birthday this year?
i dont even remember lol but sure.

Will this weekend be a good one?
hope so

Do you like your life as of now?
could be better

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
idk?

Do you currently have any bruises?
heck yes. like 2 or 3

What is something you've realized recently?
that i just dont give aaaaaaaaaaaaaa haha

What's the last thing someone asked you?
idk

Do you dance in public places?
shit ill dance anywhere!

Do you like purple or green grapes?
green!

Do you watch your weight?
not really i just eat man!

Do you drop your phone a lot?
i guess

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
fuck yes. he needa hurry up.

Does your phone usually go off in the middle of the night?
ugh yes

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
most the time they older

What time did you wake up today?
dont remember

Does it bother you when people bring up your past?
rarely. unless its freshly happened

Is there snow on the ground where you are?
Its summer

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
yeah

The shirt youre wearing, does anyone else have it?
doubt it

What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
talk to him

How many times is E in your full name?
0

Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else?
mhm

Are you speaking to the last person you kissed?
we havent talked in a couple weeks lol.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
haha nope. i love it sweetie!

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
i cant see who texts me, phone died, charger broke.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
mhm
Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
ha uh yeaaaaaaaaaah.

Do you have a bad temper?
kinda.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Yesssss

Where's your boyfriend?
dont have one!

What color are your eyes?
dark brown

What was the last thing you cried over?
real talk prolly mj's death. lol stfu.

The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you go?
fuck no. go to sleep. lol. im trying to remember who i kissed last. OH YEAH. ha nahh he shit outta luck.

Do you like to listen to the radio when you are in the car?
yeah

Do you sleep with a fan on?
no

How is your hair right now?
pony tail

What school did you go to in 6th grade?
meade middle biotchhhhhh

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
blehhhh idk not really anymore. i could if i wanted to but i dont

What are you listening to right now?
kanye

What was your dream about last night?
nada

A million dollars or change a regret?
i just want the monayyyyyyyyyyy

Favorite gatorade flavor?
purple?

Do you like Chinese food?
im asian. duh. i hate that fake chinese shit tho.

Is there a member of the opposite gender on your mind?
always

Who was the last person you have a bestfriends necklace?
Im wearing my juicy couture bestfriend necklace now! grace!

You just had a baby girl! What's her name?
idk..

A boy?
Kendel.. but that can be changed

Could you date someone taller than you?
Duh. always.

Do you get shy around the guy/girl you like?
at first.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
not anymore fuck that. i cut offf peoeple for a reason.

Is there someone that you are afraid of losing?
i guess ionoooo im not in a caring mood so i couldnt tell u lol

on my posts...

I usually dont write anything personal because I dont like talkin about shit in my life cuz people talk shit all the time about the shit i do or i "supposedly do" i dont need anyone else addin shit on but oh well fuck it, im ready to let this shit go.

Everybody's been tellin me "alisa you changed" well damn.. I thought everybody changes?! isnt that a normal thing?

Whats happenin now kinda reminds me back in 07' cept this time it was a little worse.

(In 07) When I got out of a relationship with whatshisface, just after a year and a half (about..) I just got tired of his shit even though he was tryna change it was too late by then i was ready to just get out, started talkin to this one guy, damn did we have CHEMISTRY. i didnt think i could like someone so much after gettin out of a long term relationship. but we hit it off. yet after the breakup i was over there wildinnnnn, i couldnt tell you how many guys i was talkin to, it was so man, im sorry? i couldnt help that so many guys wanted to talk to me after i was a free agent... i broke a couple peoples hearts, dissapointed them..w.e you wanna call it and i just didnt give a fuck. lol i REALLY did not give a fuck, i guess its a behavior and attitude EVERYONE attains after comin out a long term relationship. I always lied to the guys talkin bout this and that you the only one im talkin to. Even the main guy. Well shit sucked cuz he ended up movin to another state like a month later... he moved back but he did something stupid and expected me to be with him again? HA he was out his god damn mind. well now we dont really talk.. its weird.

(In 09) Just got outta a relationship with an ex i went out with for 10 months (second longest relationship) and yeah he was tryna change, you know make shit better but like what happened before i was just already done and fed up and wasnt interested in makin anythin work anymore. I moved on QUICK, started talkin to this one dude (never even thought i would even have any type of thing with him..) to be honest.. in all seriousness when he hit me up I was like "OH ha great ANOTHER dude tryna get at me by facebook.. cuz DAMN it was worse than back in 07, after i got out of that relationship I swear the whole male society was tryna get at me.. ha sike lemme stop i prolly sound cocky as shit but its the truth, it was RIDICULOUS smh. But damn we ended up likin each other, talkin on the daily and all that good shit, we had CHEMISTRY no doubt. i could tell he was real into me but that boy was LOAFIN for real.. idk why. I guess I kinda fucked up.. i guess cuz I was talkin to a whole buncha another dudes but it wasnt even serious not like what me and him had.. but he couldnt understand that i was single when i wanted more than to be just the main girl he was talkin to he aint understand but when i said fuck it ill still talk to him but talk to other dudes too, he just got too jealous and couldnt understand either. he was the main guy and i guess that wasnt enough for him. fuck w.e i dont wanna even get into that shit cuz that shit pisses me off, i feel like i wasted my precious god damn time talkin to him cuz he turned into the SWEETEST GUY to the BIGGEST ASSHOLE i have ever met in my entire life. and he told me I made him that way?! funny. the nigga was so grimey i dont even fuckin talk to his ass anymore..

because of him everything, my fuckin reputation... everything fucked up. so many people here be sayin the stupidest most ignorant shit about me now its fuckin ridiculous cuz before my senior year i never really fucked with anyone from anne arundel county, but its funny how i hear oh i heard this and this about you oh i know who that girl is she blah blah lol but no one wants to tell me who said it. fuckin COWARDS. lol its like im so well known around these parts now it amuses me that just talkin to one guy had this happen.

anyways.. I just learned my lesson after all this and im not tryna be negative about it you know? but nonethless there are going to be bitter regrets. Im not even gonna front and lie cuz theres no need to. Im tryna grow up and be more honest. I liked that boy so much that i dont even remember the last time I liked someone that much so fast.. wait actually i do that was with the guy in 07, but regardless it REALLY hurt me that all that shit happened cuz it fuckin killed me comin out into a bad relationship and jumpin into talkin to someone deeply for a couple months and havin that fuck up in the end too. Now I know to never fuckin trust another nigga ever. We both didnt give a fuck, he just got out 2 yr relationship before talkin to me. So I also know now, maybe if i gave a fuck and start caring a little more and being a little more patience i woulda gotten what i wanted. now i have to STILL pay the price for talkin to that boy cuz now i still got ppl sayin shit about me from that experience and the current guy im involved with still thinks im into him.


smfh i can never win.


but you know what? Im learning and growing.

Im tryna be a better person. be good and be patient cuz i dont wanna lose something good or something I really want again because of wrong decisions...


ugh ...

Watch ALL of it if you get the chance, it gets better as it goes on..

you KNOW michael influenced the WORLD when he has INMATES making a coordinated tribute towards him...

"A tribute performed by 1,500 CPDRC Inmates on June 27, 2009 in memory of Michael Jackson. Completed in 10 hours after receiving word that the King of Pop passed away. R.I.P Michael Jackson"

im a little jealous.

Sooo0o0 who wants to come with?! uh sike cuz I was plannin to see it with my girls.. but wtf this movie comes out sept 11th... ill be in NY by then and I dont know anyone im that tight with there to go see it, screw it ima go see it by myself bitchessssss.

presented the track on here, so now heres the video..

aiight so i been bitchin and "cryin" about this issue, but you would too if over $500 worth of your shit was stolen. I guess this is karma.. nah fuck that it IS. I have not been the best person this summer at all and its comin back to bite me in the ass. this is a definite sign i need to get it together and act well. I stole THAT DAY.. 20 dollars from my dad... shit came back to bite me the ass on top of that I stole shit a couple weeks before that with some friends smh.. karma i knew it. Hm no wonder MY SHIT ALWAYS gets stolen no matter where I go. Did I mention this is the THIRD time my wallet got stolen, I dont have the best luck.

So here goes the story.

Fourth of July... I hop in Kims car, we park in front of Maurice's house leave her car there.. took his car but took my purse with me.. mistake ONE.. idk why i THOUGHT I needed my purse when all i neede was my id and 20 bucks. fuck. we all headed to love.. course Maurice is NOT 18 yet but he got into love last time with his friend ID ... this boy did not get in that time.. so we was like fuck .. so we went to ibiza.. we hopped out his car, got in line while maurice tried to find parking .. mind us that i left my purse behind the drivers seat on the floor... my ipod my the passenger seat.. jen's purse on the floor.. so we in line.. maurice is takin forever to find parkin, when we get to the front he finally gets there.. tries to butt with us.. the security guy is mad and says he cant butt.. makin him go ALL the way back in line to the BACK.. so we in the club waitin for him... for like 20-30 mins... this boy tells corleon he couldnt get in AGAIN..

so then hes walkin back... calls corleon... corleon face is shocked tells us that our car got broken into. we blown, got right out the club.. see maurice and his car.. passenger seat window is shattered, radio gone.. my purse is definetly gone so is jens... FUCK. FUCK FUCK. What was in there? My wallet (bank card, store credit cards, some money .. very few, pictures, identification), house keys, lanyard for gap and st, johns, prom picture keychains, makeup, sunglasses, new digital camera, two phone chargers, one flip phone, ipod adapter, ipod speakers, IPOD stolen even though it was out my purse, shit fuckin everythin in my purse was my life. i couldnt tell you how blown i was..fuck that i cancelled my card right away. we filed a police report. went back to the scene.. glass was everywhere.. place was sketchy as shit. fuckin dc.. im never goin clubbin back there EVER again.. stickin to baltimore. this was a lesson learned. my dad is pissed at me.

oh no .. and it doesnt stop there... we so blown so we decide we wanna smoke somethin... we smoke some blacks and jacks. on the way there.. maurice is speedin and then the damn ccamera flashses so there goes a ticket for him... after that we go to a party... and smoke some jay's finally... come back to find kim's whole left side of her car is FUCKED.. paint all scratched off.. smh so we tried to make the best of it and party.. left at 5 am.


what a fucking NIGHT.

UGH.

Sorry i just HAD TO post this shit FOR ALL THE DUMBASSES who talk shit about Michael Jackson because they THINK he actually molested little kids, Michael Jackson was accused of child molestation back in 1993 and AFTER Jackson's death on July 27 2009 Evan Chandler and his father ADMITTED to lying about the accusations, his father WANTED money from Jackson (60 million to be exact). WOW. right? People will do ANYTHING for fuckin money, this bastard basically ruined Michaels whole image by making some bullshit lie about him to get money and he ADMITS TO IT AFTER HE DIES?! WTF kinda shit is that.. that pisses me off. .ugh.

im like _ <<< that close to quittin gap. they aint givin me NO DAMN HOURS.

WTF

i blog too much lol.. well compared to everyone else at least

but its saaaaaall good

i always got a lot to say and it usually never comes out so this is perfect. most of the time i blog about fashion and music so its not like im rambling about my personal life, no one wants to hear my life story nethier do i wanna tell it.

but imma get a few things off my chest

-"easy for a good girl to go bad, but once she's gone.. best believe she gon FOREVER"
...true shit. Ok so i REALLY wanna be a good girl again (seriously) but i also believe only the bad girls have all the fun.. this is summertime.. im tryna have FUN.

-I cannot waiiiiiiiiiiiiit to get out of md seriously.. I want to start all over. yeah im comin back to md cuz im not gonna be there all the time but like at least i wont have to deal with all these ppl who know me and know all my business and talk shit 24/7.

-my eyes fucking burn. i been goin to sleep at like 4 or 5 am EVERY night. My dark circles are INSANE. unattractive

-too stubborn for my own good.. yep.

-Dude.. I need a new phone no bullshit.. like im tired of relyin on my dad.. im bouta buy my own! shittt!


-YOU ARE NOT FAITHFUL if you try to get with other girls when you have a GIRLFRIEND, COMPANION, SIGNIFICANT OTHER... point blank. so stop for real lol pathetic!

-ifdk.. its just something about DC boys. white v-necks, fitteds, g-shocks, skinny jeans, polo, cargos... fuck anytime I see a guy wearin any of those im like mmmmmmhmmm... but no no no that fuckin dreads trend in DC has GOT TO GO.. i dont like it

-ive gotten pretty BEAST at beer pong like for real. Well ive never been horrible. never got skunked, BUT damn last night I was on my game! Got into overtime once, and beat Kayla & Josh .. and they are good as hell too.

-I want you, want everything about you, except sexually... and i like it that way. a lot.

-LMFAO. dudes will say WHATEVER to get it. like im shocked.

-I knew about cudi sooooooo long ago, but now im really startin to be in LOVE with his music.

-i have too many bathing suits. why.

-only 2 more days of driving school after today.. HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEAAAAAAAH!

-So I listened to a few of J.coles songs.. but Raun sent me the mixtape.. and he put me on with him, i likeeeeeeeeeeee the guys style

-im not focused. at all.

-i need more fucking hours at work. i dont got shit to do durin the day. besides textin. lame.

-i HATE when the house phone rings. gawd stfuuuuuuu. its annoying.

-never drink on an empty stomach. im cringing.

-fuck..here we go again. i cant fuckin stop now. fml fml fml. what is wrong with meeeeeeeeeeee. im like.. notttt even thinking.

STUPID.


stupid stupid stupid.

ugh.

why.

i always act before I think. wtf. i dont want to be like this anymore

but knowing me.. i probably will.






this shit is killin me.