I usually dont write anything personal because I dont like talkin about shit in my life cuz people talk shit all the time about the shit i do or i "supposedly do" i dont need anyone else addin shit on but oh well fuck it, im ready to let this shit go.

Everybody's been tellin me "alisa you changed" well damn.. I thought everybody changes?! isnt that a normal thing?

Whats happenin now kinda reminds me back in 07' cept this time it was a little worse.

(In 07) When I got out of a relationship with whatshisface, just after a year and a half (about..) I just got tired of his shit even though he was tryna change it was too late by then i was ready to just get out, started talkin to this one guy, damn did we have CHEMISTRY. i didnt think i could like someone so much after gettin out of a long term relationship. but we hit it off. yet after the breakup i was over there wildinnnnn, i couldnt tell you how many guys i was talkin to, it was so man, im sorry? i couldnt help that so many guys wanted to talk to me after i was a free agent... i broke a couple peoples hearts, dissapointed them..w.e you wanna call it and i just didnt give a fuck. lol i REALLY did not give a fuck, i guess its a behavior and attitude EVERYONE attains after comin out a long term relationship. I always lied to the guys talkin bout this and that you the only one im talkin to. Even the main guy. Well shit sucked cuz he ended up movin to another state like a month later... he moved back but he did something stupid and expected me to be with him again? HA he was out his god damn mind. well now we dont really talk.. its weird.

(In 09) Just got outta a relationship with an ex i went out with for 10 months (second longest relationship) and yeah he was tryna change, you know make shit better but like what happened before i was just already done and fed up and wasnt interested in makin anythin work anymore. I moved on QUICK, started talkin to this one dude (never even thought i would even have any type of thing with him..) to be honest.. in all seriousness when he hit me up I was like "OH ha great ANOTHER dude tryna get at me by facebook.. cuz DAMN it was worse than back in 07, after i got out of that relationship I swear the whole male society was tryna get at me.. ha sike lemme stop i prolly sound cocky as shit but its the truth, it was RIDICULOUS smh. But damn we ended up likin each other, talkin on the daily and all that good shit, we had CHEMISTRY no doubt. i could tell he was real into me but that boy was LOAFIN for real.. idk why. I guess I kinda fucked up.. i guess cuz I was talkin to a whole buncha another dudes but it wasnt even serious not like what me and him had.. but he couldnt understand that i was single when i wanted more than to be just the main girl he was talkin to he aint understand but when i said fuck it ill still talk to him but talk to other dudes too, he just got too jealous and couldnt understand either. he was the main guy and i guess that wasnt enough for him. fuck w.e i dont wanna even get into that shit cuz that shit pisses me off, i feel like i wasted my precious god damn time talkin to him cuz he turned into the SWEETEST GUY to the BIGGEST ASSHOLE i have ever met in my entire life. and he told me I made him that way?! funny. the nigga was so grimey i dont even fuckin talk to his ass anymore..

because of him everything, my fuckin reputation... everything fucked up. so many people here be sayin the stupidest most ignorant shit about me now its fuckin ridiculous cuz before my senior year i never really fucked with anyone from anne arundel county, but its funny how i hear oh i heard this and this about you oh i know who that girl is she blah blah lol but no one wants to tell me who said it. fuckin COWARDS. lol its like im so well known around these parts now it amuses me that just talkin to one guy had this happen.

anyways.. I just learned my lesson after all this and im not tryna be negative about it you know? but nonethless there are going to be bitter regrets. Im not even gonna front and lie cuz theres no need to. Im tryna grow up and be more honest. I liked that boy so much that i dont even remember the last time I liked someone that much so fast.. wait actually i do that was with the guy in 07, but regardless it REALLY hurt me that all that shit happened cuz it fuckin killed me comin out into a bad relationship and jumpin into talkin to someone deeply for a couple months and havin that fuck up in the end too. Now I know to never fuckin trust another nigga ever. We both didnt give a fuck, he just got out 2 yr relationship before talkin to me. So I also know now, maybe if i gave a fuck and start caring a little more and being a little more patience i woulda gotten what i wanted. now i have to STILL pay the price for talkin to that boy cuz now i still got ppl sayin shit about me from that experience and the current guy im involved with still thinks im into him.


smfh i can never win.


but you know what? Im learning and growing.

Im tryna be a better person. be good and be patient cuz i dont wanna lose something good or something I really want again because of wrong decisions...


ugh ...